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Author Topic: A story I'm writing, please give me some feedback  (Read 97 times)
naomi0698
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« on: April 01, 2011, 04:02:21 PM »

This is a story I'm writing. it's about someone who is in high school and gets bullied and everyone thinks she is a loser but when she finds out the truth everything changes. PLEASE DON'T COPY AND/OR USE AS YOUR OWN.

HERE IT IS:
Have you ever got the feeling that you don't belong where you are, that you are from another family, maybe even another planet, that you are different from everyone around you. Well, that's how I felt 3 months ago but now I am part of a happy family who doesn't want much in the world. You see my family and I only found out the truth in August. It's October now and I want nothing more in the world. I've seen a different side of everything and now people think of me differently, especially Louis.

I used to be a lonely teenager, with no friends, just bullies who didn't want anything besides seeing me hurt and weak, besided of course money, fame and perfect friends, family and boyfriends or girlfriends. I, on the other hand, loved nature and science and even maths and people just didn't appreciate that about me and thought that anyone who liked that stuff was a loser. I didn't care about shopping, or my looks, or clothes, or shoes or anything like that, I only concentrated on my grades and stuff that was actually important to me like helping people and animals out. Nobody turned to me for help, they rather fail than ask me, I was the loser of the school. Everyday somebody would walk past me and say "Hey Becky, is that the new fashion trend this week? Did they name it after you, Loser Becky?" or "Have you ever tried looking in the help section of a bookstore?" or sometimes they would just push me to the ground, knocking all of my books and papers out of my hands  and leave me there to pick up everything and help myself up, they usually yell at me "Watch it, Becky, you could get expelled for that kind of behaviour!" and run down the hallway to get as far away from me while everyone else had finished collecting all their stuff from their lockers and stood there, laughing. Not once did I get helped up except from the principal but he would usually whisper to me "Becky, you should really be careful while walking down the hallway because next time you might really hurt yourself." There were these three really mean girls, the leader of them was Natalie and whenever that happened they would say "Maybe you should go back to wearing little kid shoes because you are not able to stay on your feet." and they would walk off laughing while everyone was enjoying the show and laughed even more. Twice I had lunch trown at me and both times it started a food fight and when our principal Mr Lavendille came in and demanded an explenation about it and who started it, all eyes and fingers went in my direction and both times I got detention and had to clean up the cafeteria, alone of course because I had no friends and no one wanted to give me a helping hand.
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1_2_3_4_5
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« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2011, 04:04:51 PM »

Thats awesome ♥
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phoebestar909
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« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2011, 06:30:02 PM »

Awesome
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I'm leaving, I don't know when I'm coming back but the reason why I left because the fighting. Bye! <3 I may come here here and there but only a few minuets.
naomi0698
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« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2011, 09:00:51 PM »

thanks
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pooks123
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« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2011, 09:27:28 PM »

hi that was really sad and really good!! are you a writer or something or was that just of the top of ur head!!!
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naomi0698
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« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2011, 05:39:26 PM »

That is just from the top of my head
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Gothgirl_6
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« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2011, 05:47:34 PM »

OMG! You have to be a writer!
It's sad but does tell the truth about the side of the person who gets bullied. Smiley
Good job!
p.s. more!!!!
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