~Haven't got a name for it but this is my brumby story~

[Gothgirl_6]

I've only started it about an hour ago but this is the first chapter.

Chapter 1
Shadow's Valley

His head was held high in the moonlight, overlooking his herd while the foals were resting and the mares grazing sleepily. One little chestnut foal was opening his eyes slowly and saw his father standing tall and proud, looking at him.  Shadow, the stallion, reared up and neighed wildly at his son, Pride, who was staring in awe at the brumby who knew the entire bush from the dirt trails to the tree tops of the gumtrees.
Shadow’s ears pricked forward. He heard a wild scream of another brumby. It was his mother, Sandfrost. Shadow neighed back in a soft and relaxed way.  Soon, he could make out a shape of an old cream mare. Sandfrost started to trot at the sight of her magnificent son. Shadow cantered over to his old mother. The mares looked up and nudged their foals to get up. Before Shadow reached his mother, he called Pride and Scarlett, his foals, to come over and meet her.

Pride and Scarlett looked at their grandmother, father, and then mother. Ebony, their mother, got up and walked over to Shadow. The foals automatically followed. They stayed beside her but Pride trotted over to his father.  Shadow nuzzled Pride first, then Scarlett, who went up to Sandfrost and nipped playfully. Sandfrost neighed softly, approving of her grandchildren. She looked at Pride who was looking someplace else.

Shadow followed his gaze before neighing wildly and leaping in front of the group. Ebony stood in front of her foals and pushed them back towards the herd, but Pride didn’t move. He watched Sandfrost. Sandfrost was snorting at the in-coming stallion, whom was slightly younger than her. She saw Pride standing still and stood in front of him protectively. Pride then realised the situation. Another stallion, called The Stormbreaker, was coming to take Ebony, the lovely filly out of Shadow’s herd.
But Shadow loved her and would not allow the killer of his father take her away. Ebony was a lovely brown filly with a white blaze and two white socks, which was very attractive to all stallions. Shadow was lucky to have got her before he got killed by other stallions after her. The Stormbreaker came at neck breaking speed down the hill, which was a mistake. Shadow dodged his bite and gave him a vicious kick in the side.

[Gothgirl_6]

nis (not in story); can people please comment after they finish reading please. I really want feedback. Here's Chapter Two.

Chapter Two
The fight begins

The Stormbreaker neighed wildly, trying to ignore the thumping pain in his ribs. He turned and bared his teeth at Shadow, whom was now happy that he had the cover of the night. The Stormbreaker squinted in the night, trying to find the stallion that had his prize filly. He then got hit in the forehead by Shadow’s hind legs. He stumbled backwards. His grey coat was shining brightly under the moonlight.
Ebony shielded Scarlett away from the dreadful sight of her lover in a fight. Scarlett rubbed against her mother’s foreleg but winced every time she heard a stallion’s cry of pain. Pride could see the fight with his grandmother who was snorting every time The Stormbreaker touched her son. The Stormbreaker stopped when he saw Sandfrost. He neighed at her but then got knocked to the ground by Shadow.

The Stormbreaker was winded and struggled to get back up. Shadow kept stamping on him if he did. The Stormbreaker suddenly neighed in surrender, but that didn’t stop Shadow. As he stomped The Stormbreaker to death, he thought about the safety of his herd, of his foals, of Ebony and his mother. Soon, the huge grey stallion stopped moving. The mares, foals, colts and fillies stared at what Shadow had done. He had finally killed The Stormbreaker, the cruellest of all stallions, had been finally killed by their own stallion, Shadow.

Shadow’s black coat was now soaked with sweat and blood, but that did not stop him getting onto the rock and rearing up, while making a wild stallion scream of victory. His whole herd, including his mother, neighed with him. Ebony and Scarlett cantered over to him, wanting to make sure he was alright. Sandfrost soon followed without Pride who wandered over to The Stormbreaker’s lifeless body. He sniffed the grey coat. Pride heard light hooves behind him, coming to a stop.
His father stood over him in a gentle manner. “Pride, my son, this is the only way us brumbies survive here. We kill to protect our herds, our families.” Shadow knew this was hard for Pride to understand because he was just a foal. Pride looked back at The Stormbreaker and then back at his father.
“Does it hurt?” Pride asked in a shaky voice. Shadow knew what he was talking about. “Yes it does. But it hurts more to think that I will lose my family to any other stallion.” Shadow replied, rubbing his forehead on Pride’s small back. “You have to understand this because one day, you will take my place on Season Rock.”

Pride looked at his father as if he was joking. Then he saw the seriousness in his eyes. “Really? Do you mean it father?” Pride asked. Shadow nodded and then gestured his son to follow. Pride galloped alongside his father but stopped as they reached Season Rock. “Take your place son.” Shadow said, nudging him softly forward.  Pride gulped and stepped forward onto the rock where he could see Shadow’s Valley clearly.
Shadow stood beside him and put his head high in the air. Pride did the same but felt small against his father. Shadow looked down and smiled softly. He then reared up and neighed as loudly as he could. The entire herd, including the fellow foals, looked up to see their stallion and his son together on Season Rock. Shadow finished his call and gestured Pride to do the same.
Ebony and Scarlett looked up at Pride making a true wild call on Season Rock. Scarlett and Ebony were proud of them. Shadow looked at Ebony and neighed softly even though she wouldn’t be able to hear it. But Ebony sensed it and neighed softly back.

[Gothgirl_6]

Chapter Three
Pride's first escape

3 years had passed and all of the foals had matured into fine fillies and colts. Pride stood out the most with his lovely, shiny chestnut coat and black muzzle. The other colts were fine as well and were all friends with Scarlett and Pride, the only foals who were Shadow’s. Ebony and the other mares were now trying to show off their colts and fillies so they would be able to find who could be responsible and in control.
Shadow was down with the mares. He looked at his son and daughter. He was proud of them. Ebony walked up to him and rubbed against his fine black coat. He seemed to smile at her, the only mare he truly loved. Just as he was about to neigh happily, Scarlett let out a long high pitched neigh as she saw three horses with men mounted on top running towards them. Shadow screamed wildly and yelled at his herd to run. Every horse split up into 2’s and ran for their life. All except Pride.
He galloped over to his father’s side and let out a shrilling wild cry that sounded like a proper wild brumby. Shadow started to feel proud again, but it wasn’t the right time. He bared his teeth at the men and horses who were galloping towards them. Pride ran forwards but used a technique his father taught him. He reared up and twirled in a full circle, confusing both the men and horses.
Shadow then saw his opportunity and ran towards the big bay horse and smashed into him, knocking him and his rider to the ground. The white mare beside him stumbled and lost her footing while Pride kicked at a black gelding running after him. The black gelding dodged the kicks by inches. The man on the saddle was very steady but was young, so he had no experience like the other men.
Pride could only lose this man and gelding in the rocky parts of Shadow’s Valley. And he knew the roughest tracks and trails throughout the whole bush. He weaved in and out of trees, hoping he would lose his chasers. Shadow wanted to help but the white mare was getting up with her rider. He snorted and ran in the opposite direction.
The white mare and the big bay horse, with their riders, gave chase to Shadow. But the coming of night gave him the camouflage.  At the time being, Pride had just started leading the black gelding and man towards Rocky Track. It was one of the roughest tracks in the bush, but Pride climbed it in ease. The gelding seemed to drop back but not by much. Pride wasn’t even breaking a sweat when he neared Season Rock. He then confused the man by jumping up on the rock and then zigzagging through the bush behind it.
Shadow had lost his chasers and found the herd in a small valley below Season Rock where they would usually go for the winter. He looked around for Pride but didn’t find him. He saw Ebony and Scarlett nuzzling each other. He sighed in relief that they were there but was now completely worried about his son.
At that moment, Pride felt the rope go around his neck and pull back. It cut into his neck as he continued to run away from his chasers. Soon, he was choking for air as the rope was getting tighter around his throat. He then slowed to a trot which was now closer to a walk. He was breathing heavily and had white marks down his neck from the choking and running. The gelding was breathing heavily as well and had stopped because Pride had.
The man slowly got down from the saddle and walked carefully towards the slightly shaking stallion whose coat was wet with sweat. Pride put on an act, making himself shake so it looked like he had completely given up. The man smiled and took the rope slowly off his neck. When it slid off, Pride towered over the man and kicked the air beside him before running off.
The man smirked and watched as the beautiful colt ran off back towards his father and the herd. He climbed back on his horse and headed back towards his fellow brumby hunters before the night swallowed him in darkness.

[Gothgirl_6]

Chapter Four
Pride's Return

It was the next morning when Pride found his family and the herd back in Shadow’s Valley with no man in sight. He sighed with relief as he saw every horse there. Ebony saw him first and galloped towards her son, glad to see him again. Scarlett followed but let out a cry to let Shadow know. Shadow galloped down the small hill towards his son and herd. Pride neighed wildly at the sight of his father who was now very proud of his son.
They shared a rub before one filly caught Pride’s eyes. It was April, a beautiful bay filly who had a white star on her forehead. She neighed softly at him before coming towards him and rubbing her nose against his. His heart fluttered as she touched him. Shadow and Ebony saw the love-connection and softly chuckled together. Scarlett blushed at the sight. She didn’t realise that a black colt with white socks, named Arrow, was looking at her in a love-struck way.
Shadow eyed Arrow and then softened. He then said in a booming voice, “Pride! Come with me!” The entire herd hushed and looked at Shadow and then Pride. He nodded and walked alongside his father up to Season Rock. “It’s time for you to take your place son.” Shadow said, gesturing Pride to the rock where he would be crowned the new stallion of the herd.
Pride now knew that he was serious. He nodded and stepped onto the rock and did the same thing his father had done 3 years ago. He reared up and let out a wild stallion’s cry. The herd neighed back and pranced around to celebrate their new stallion.

[Gothgirl_6]

Chapter Five
The man on the black horse

It had been another year and new foals were in the herd. Pride and April had a pale cream foal and called her Page. Scarlett and Arrow had a black foal and called him Saber. The foals played in the spring grass while Pride was looking over the herd. He was very proud of his foal as she layed in the grass. Looking at her did remind him of the white mare who gave chase to his father but Page had big brown soft eyes that just melted your heart and also a much better coat colour.
He then looked over to where his mother and father were next to each other under a shady tree. They neighed up at him with proudness in their voices. He reared up and neighed back happily. It was soon dusk and he headed down the small hill towards his herd. Most of the horses had fallen asleep or some just drifting off.
He was greeted by a soft neigh from his sister. He wandered over and nuzzled her and Saber who nipped at his uncle playfully. Arrow was standing nearby and neighed at Pride, who bowed his head back to sniff the air. He snorted. His nostrils smelt smoke. He was now fully alert. He neighed and gathered his herd. “Everyone go down to the lower valley now except Arrow and Shadow.”
Shadow and Arrow looked at him, confused why he needed them. But the herd, Arrow and Shadow followed his orders. Arrow trotted over to Pride and asked, “What wrong? Men near?” All Pride did was nod as he was trying to figure out which direction the smoke was coming from. “North-east.” Shadow said, facing that direction.
Pride was lucky he had a great father. Arrow sniffed the air. “He’s right.” Shadow looked at him. He chuckled. “I’m old, so of course I’m right. “ Pride rolled his eyes. “Come on.” He started trotting north-east with Shadow and Arrow following closely.

It was only about 10 minutes before they could see the men’s smoke more thickly. Just then, Pride saw the same 3 horses that he saw only a year ago. The big bay, the white mare and the black gelding. Shadow realised to and signalled Arrow to stop walking. Arrow then remembered the news they heard last year about the three horses. Pride signalled both to make their way over to the rocks where they could see better.
Arrow’s sight was better than both of theirs so he slowly crept towards the edge of the rock, careful to not be seen. He came back in a few minutes to report back to Pride and Shadow. “They only have the 3 horses but there are about 6 men.” Shadow frowned. “Let’s go back to the herd now.” Pride said eager to see April and his daughter.
They agreed and headed back to the herd. But what they didn’t know was that the man, who was on the black horse a year ago, saw them. He smirked to himself. “Pride.” He whispered before going back to the camp. Pride heard his name whispered as it was carried in the wind but ignored it. The only thing was, he shouldn’t have.

[poniesrule]

love it!

[Gothgirl_6]

thanx. This is mychristmas present for my dad. I have 9 chapters of it

[KtKittyKat]

AWESOME! your a fantastic writer!

[Gothgirl_6]

thankyou! my favourite authors are:
Richelle Mead
and Elyne Mitchell.

[Adam_the_Kat]

<sub>This is excellent writing.

You actually make the horses have their own unique character, rather than be pathetic Mary Sues that are perfectly perfect visions of lovely, incorruptible pure pureness because the author wants to be perfect - so they transfer those idealistic dreams on to the character.

I will admit that I don't like horses, but I do like this story.

Maybe horses do live this way. I don't know.</sub>

[KtKittyKat]

thankyou! my favourite authors are:
Richelle Mead
and Elyne Mitchell.

cool! mines enid` blighton

[Adam_the_Kat]

<sub>I don't have a favourite author. When you look closely at all of the world's most popular books, you see plotholes the size of elephants. Harry Potter, for one...

If I have a favourite author, it would probably be someone who writes from the heart and not for money, or reputation, or all of the other things.</sub>

[KtKittyKat]

<sub>I don't have a favourite author. When you look closely at all of the world's most popular books, you see plotholes the size of elephants. Harry Potter, for one...

If I have a favourite author, it would probably be someone who writes from the heart and not for money, or reputation, or all of the other things.</sub>

lol yeah

[Adam_the_Kat]

<sub>For example, J.K. Rowling mainly wrote because she needed money (she was on a pension, living in a one-bedroom flat, etcetera). She was probably in such a rush to write the books that she forgot to develop the characters.

An example: Ginny Weasley.

Even if you do agree with the relationship premise, you have to admit - Ginny was critical to Book 2's plot, gets one line (seriously) in Book 3, Book 4 becomes an extra, Book 5 becomes relatively important, and then in Book 6 Harry magically falls in love with her and feels "chest monsters" whenever he was around her.

Rowling had always intended for Harry and Ginny to end up together, but she didn't go about it in the right way.</sub>

[Gothgirl_6]

<sub>This is excellent writing.

You actually make the horses have their own unique character, rather than be pathetic Mary Sues that are perfectly perfect visions of lovely, incorruptible pure pureness because the author wants to be perfect - so they transfer those idealistic dreams on to the character.

I will admit that I don't like horses, but I do like this story.

Maybe horses do live this way. I don't know.</sub>

thanx adam. That's really nice and brumbies don't live this way. They only have one stallion in the herd.

[Adam_the_Kat]

_{Ah. See? I don't know anything about horses!}

[Gothgirl_6]

I didn't know that since a few years ago.

[Adam_the_Kat]

[Gothgirl_6]

Chapter 6
Henry's connection with Pride

Henry, the man who owned the black gelding, kept thinking of the chestnut stallion. 4 years ago, Pride was born and Henry saw the cheeky foal dance around his mother happily. He smiled at the thought. “That’s it.” Henry changed into his clothes, put his boots on and walked outside with a torch in his hand. He started to climb up some steep rocks. He cut his hand and covered it by ripping his shirt and tying it tightly.
Meanwhile, Pride was standing on Season Rock. It was sunset and his coat shone beautifully in the orange, purple and pink light. When Henry saw him, he gasped at the beauty. Pride’s head swung round at the silent noise. He saw a shadowy figure and snorted. A human near the herd, except he wasn’t on a horse. Weird, thought Pride.
Henry slowly stood up as he knew he was seen by Pride. He stretched out his hand towards Pride who took a cautious step forward. Pride seemed to neigh softly at the man, not knowing why he let Henry’s hand rest on his nose. When he realised what was happening, he stepped back, reared up and neighed while running down to his herd.
Henry stared at the magnificent horse as he ran back to his herd. He looked at his hand. It had touched the most amazing horse he had seen. He smiled and made his way back slowly to the camp of the Brumby Hunters. When he got back, his black gelding greeted him with soft nicker. Henry went up and stroked his neck. “Tomorrow, we’re going to see a stallion.” Henry told his gelding. The gelding snorted in disgust. Even if Henry liked this stallion, Brady, the gelding, would not allow it.

[Adam_the_Kat]

<sub>Of course geldings and stallions don't mix. They're exact opposites (even if they are both male).

Excellent writing as usual.</sub>

[Gothgirl_6]

yeah. Gelding is without, you know what, and stallions are with it.
Thankyou so much

[Adam_the_Kat]

_{I think they hate one another because the gelding would be jealous that the stallion hasn't been neutered.}

[Gothgirl_6]

Yeah. lol

[Adam_the_Kat]

[Gothgirl_6]

Chapter 7
Pride is not welcome!

Brady got saddled up when the sun started to rise and Henry was eager to check out Pride and his herd, but not harming them, of course. But Brady had a different idea in mind. He had thought about it and decided he would not allow some random brumby take his owner’s attention away from him.
Pride was down with the herd grazing when he saw the black gelding, Brady. He snorted and started to charge wildly up to Season Rock, where they were. Henry tried to steady a restless Brady whom wanted to fight. Brady started to snap at the stallion that was coming closer at neck breaking speed.
Pride only stopped a few metres away as he saw Henry. When he looked at the snapping Brady, who bared his teeth and growled. Henry started to worry the way Brady was reacting. Suddenly, Brady reared up unexpectedly making Henry fall down on the rock beneath him. He landed on his back and was groaning in pain. Pride’s blood now boiled. He charged at Brady.
Brady was not ready for the attack and stumbled backwards. But he recovered quickly and the battle began between the brumby and gelding. Henry watched but then got up. He was shocked at the mass of blood everywhere. He then saw Brady breathing heavily as Pride was neighing wildly.
Pride then was on the ground because Brady charged at him. Brady started to stamp on him when Henry screamed, “NO!!!!!” Brady stopped and looked at Henry. Suddenly, Pride got up and started to shove Brady over the cliff. Henry was shocked. Brady pushed back and then kicked the stallion in the side. Pride was pushed backwards by the blow and was now standing on the edge of a rock. He then neighed before he fell down. Henry raced to the edge but couldn’t see what had happened because of the mist.
Brady came and stood by his master’s side. He lowered his head but Henry wasn’t in the mood for him.  Brady took a step backwards as Henry got up and slowly made his way down into the mist.