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Author Topic: My Story it needs a name  (Read 1036 times)
koala189
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« on: January 20, 2010, 08:08:10 PM »
so yeah its not a vampire story (sorry to disapoint you) its more of an adventure but i need some creative critisisum so here it is. I have decided to only post some bits of my story then delete them, go here to find out why>http://www.beaniekids.com/bkforum/index.php/topic,69997.0.html if you really like the small bit ive posted of like my story ill be happy to pm it to you and any new bits Wink

 “Up ahead is the city, as you can see it’s surrounded by walls and because I know you’re going to ask why so I’ll just answer. It’s so when there is a sand storm our houses don’t fill up to the roof with sand.”  He said grumpily.
“Well that’s smart, I didn’t think of that.” Replied Emilia,” I thought it was for battle purposes.”
“BATTLE PURPOSES!?” He exclaimed, “WHAT SORT OF TOWN DO YOU THINK THIS IS?!”
“A town that needs to protect its beauty?” Emilia replied quietly. They didn’t talk the rest of the way to Sandreia; they just sat on Dryad as she walked along slowly getting closer to the city. Emilia realised for the first time that she was completely dry and it was quite hot here, actually it was very hot! She had never wanted a frozen coke as much as she did now; it was quite a peculiar craving, a frozen coke, preferably from MacDonald’s. Or maybe a Weis bar, mango and macadamia of course, to cool her down. Emilia wondered if this town had air conditioners, they properly wouldn’t looking at the boys clothing. She also thought about her mother and her house, she didn’t understand what was going on; she didn’t believe fate had bought her here, or god either. Emilia didn’t want to be here, she wasn’t the type for mystery and adventure, she was a goody-goody two shoes really who liked reading and didn’t mind maths. She usually kept to herself and in her comfort zone and she could tell that she would have to go out of it here to get herself home. Emilia missed her best friend Grace and all the fun times they had together, laughing and joking around. Her thoughts suddenly drifted back to ...
 

we are proudly supporting my eggs so plz click on them Grin
« Last Edit: February 26, 2010, 06:01:42 PM by koala189 » Logged

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koala189
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« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2010, 08:55:30 AM »
any1?
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poniesrule
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Simone.
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2010, 09:17:50 AM »
Awesome story, well done.
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There's a corner of your heart for me. There's a corner of your heart just for me. I will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart. Just to stay in the corner of your heart...♥
koala189
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« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2010, 09:19:58 AM »
thank you, i have a lot of ideas for it if you would like to hear them?
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I_Want_to_Be_a_VAMPiRE
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« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2010, 09:20:32 AM »
Awesome! I love it. Write more.
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Jeremy Shepard <33 You! I love you... And even If you don't love me, you have a piece of my heart forever. <33
koala189
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« Reply #5 on: January 21, 2010, 09:23:05 AM »
thanks ill write more today
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Tess96
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« Reply #6 on: January 21, 2010, 09:29:28 AM »
That's actually quite good!  Cheesy
The only thing I'd probably change is maybe putting a paragraph or two in there but other than that, I like it!

I agree, write some more!  Wink
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True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. ~ David Tyson Gentry
koala189
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« Reply #7 on: January 21, 2010, 09:30:42 AM »
thank you ill do that, ill write some more soon
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bk_biggest_fan09
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« Reply #8 on: January 21, 2010, 10:27:01 AM »
It is great!  Cheesy
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koala189
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« Reply #9 on: January 21, 2010, 10:50:29 AM »
thanks  Cheesy
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Bubblie Bob Bananaish
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« Reply #10 on: January 21, 2010, 10:51:27 AM »
That's really awesome! Cheesy
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< Pretty please visit my story! Cheesy
koala189
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« Reply #11 on: January 21, 2010, 10:56:35 AM »
thanks
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koala189
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« Reply #12 on: January 21, 2010, 11:07:13 AM »
ok i added a bit more
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deanne
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i've left the forum, its my time to move on. xx
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2010, 02:57:16 PM »
Thats awesome! Cheesy
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I really need you guys to understand: its nothing personal, it’s a new chapter in my life. I won't forget about you guys, I'm just going to turn the page. Maybe use a new colour pen to write with; and I'll be merrily on my way.
goodbye.
koala189
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« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2010, 02:58:00 PM »
thanks , im going to the coast so bye! exspect more when i get back!
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deanne
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i've left the forum, its my time to move on. xx
« Reply #15 on: January 25, 2010, 03:03:22 PM »
Byexx
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I really need you guys to understand: its nothing personal, it’s a new chapter in my life. I won't forget about you guys, I'm just going to turn the page. Maybe use a new colour pen to write with; and I'll be merrily on my way.
goodbye.
koala189
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« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2010, 04:52:09 PM »
ill write more on the weekend i have heaps of stuff to do
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Shannon14
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Why would I make up stories? IM GONE


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« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2010, 04:53:04 PM »
You should enter the Story Writting Competion Smiley
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Thanks Jess
koala189
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« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2010, 04:56:37 PM »
what story writing competition  Huh but thanks
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Billy96
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Maybe then you'd love me...
« Reply #19 on: January 28, 2010, 04:57:36 PM »
nice
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Gonna Marry the Night
koala189
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« Reply #20 on: January 28, 2010, 04:58:45 PM »
thanks
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Shannon14
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Why would I make up stories? IM GONE


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« Reply #21 on: January 28, 2010, 04:58:51 PM »
This story writting competition: http://www.beaniekids.com/bkforum/index.php/topic,68317.0.html
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Thanks Jess
deanne
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i've left the forum, its my time to move on. xx
« Reply #22 on: January 28, 2010, 05:15:00 PM »
Quote from: koala189 on January 28, 2010, 04:52:09 PM
ill write more on the weekend i have heaps of stuff to do
sure! Cheesy
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I really need you guys to understand: its nothing personal, it’s a new chapter in my life. I won't forget about you guys, I'm just going to turn the page. Maybe use a new colour pen to write with; and I'll be merrily on my way.
goodbye.
koala189
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« Reply #23 on: January 28, 2010, 05:16:02 PM »
 Grin

ill check that out
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koala189
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« Reply #24 on: January 29, 2010, 09:01:08 PM »
i need a name for it
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