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Author Topic: Story Advice!  (Read 186 times)
Tess96
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« on: February 10, 2010, 07:18:14 PM »


Please post your stories here and then fill out the form to get advice!

Name:
Age:
Story Name:
Type of Advice Wanted:


Will be updated very soon!

Tess
« Last Edit: February 10, 2010, 07:58:30 PM by Tess96 » Logged



True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. ~ David Tyson Gentry
red2001
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« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2010, 07:23:58 PM »

I want to wright better stoiries
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« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2010, 07:28:16 PM »

Name:
Age:
Story Name: A Ghoust with a message
Type of Advice Wanted: I need this preview under 35 words..........................


Tap. Tap. There it is. My heart starts beating louder than my music. I hid
under my quilt shivering.
Ruby is a thirteen year old girl who has a special gift. Last time she helped someone it was quite differcult
but now she has to help a whole family.
Can Ruby help this someone ineed or don't care?
Read this mystery book Ghoust with a Message by Mary K.Pershall to find out!



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"I heard it. A voice. Your voice, Hermione. You said my name. Just my name… And I knew the ball of light
was going to take me where I needed to go." -Ron Weasly, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Tess96
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« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2010, 07:38:58 PM »

I want to wright better stoiries

Okay...
Do you have an example of a story you've written that I could read?
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Tess96
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« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2010, 07:42:38 PM »

Name:
Age:
Story Name: A Ghoust with a message
Type of Advice Wanted: I need this preview under 35 words..........................


Tap. Tap. There it is. My heart starts beating louder than my music. I hid
under my quilt shivering.
Ruby is a thirteen year old girl who has a special gift. Last time she helped someone it was quite differcult
but now she has to help a whole family.
Can Ruby help this someone ineed or don't care?
Read this mystery book Ghoust with a Message by Mary K.Pershall to find out!





Okay, Madi.
Um, well you have 71 words at the moment.
Do you want me to check your spelling for you?  Undecided
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Tess96
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« Reply #5 on: February 11, 2010, 07:52:39 PM »

Anyone else?  Cheesy
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True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. ~ David Tyson Gentry
red2001
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« Reply #6 on: February 11, 2010, 08:44:31 PM »

Okay...
Do you have an example of a story you've written that I could read?
Tia and Mia were at karate then sensai said " TIA! STOP TALKING!" Tia: "I did not talk!" Mia: "You just did she laughed"
Sensai: "MIA 60 KI-AYES NOW!" Tia whisperd: Pushy! better go do those ki-ays Then Mia walked of. after 1 hour of training the sensai was grading belts and a little down grading
Sensai: Mia and Tia YOU DOWN GRADE! Mia and Tia at the same time: FOR WHAT!? they yelled
Sensai: For talking in class!!! Mia: HOW STUPID! Tia: Dudde calm down
Then they went home as Tia and mia were sisters Mia was 14 and Tia was 16 Tia had long brown hair and mia has pink hair as she dyded it the other day. Mum: You have school in the morning "Yeah" Dad added Mia: "But Annie and rose are show offs and always pick on us!!!"
Mum and Dad stopped Dad: What?! Mum: Doesent matter i just packed a really good lunch she added.
"whats in it?" Mia said.
"Hmmmm some carrots and raw meat" Straight after she said that Tia ran to the bathroom and vomited.
"Mum we can't eat raw meat." Tia said but Dad shouted "TIME FOR BED TIME FOR BED!!!!" The girls headed to there room.
It turned midnight mum went to bed and dad was out like a lamp. The only people who where awake your right...The girls
Tia opend her laptop and went on the school website. She hacked the school website. "Annie lets get you into detention for 2 weeks." She said.
Then Mia came in. "What are you doing up."
"Eatin chilli" Tia said sarcastily "What are you doing up lil sis?" She added.
"I don't know." Mia looked at the vase Her cousin Andy got her he said it is haunted by the ghost of Tomsly james.
Mia always thinked it was a myth intill now......The vase shaked and shooked then floated over and over again Mia ran down stairs and shaked mum
"MUM MUM WHAT ANDY SAID IS TRUE!" But she just rolled over. Tia ran to the vase and smashed it. "Oh my goodnes" Tia said
She changed the settings on the school website and closed her laptop put it on her desk and went to sleep.
Mia woke up to the sweet noises of the birds tweeting. Tia woke up to the wonderful smell of her Dads chips. She glared at the clock
"WERE LATE!!!!" She shouted she did all the routeen and went to school. It was the parent teacher meeting.
Mrs. Jones is her teacher she very kind and caring but when shes mad shes mad!!!
"Hello Jon" She said cheerfuly patting him on the back. They have been friends ever since.
"Tia you can go and play with your best friend annie and rose" Said Mrs.Jones
"This teacher knows nothing there my least best friends!!!!!" She whisperd
"Oh and a exershion is tonight"
Said Mrs.Jones
"Oh and Mia's coming aswell."
Tia and Mia hoppend in the bus. When they were half way they fell out. They rolled in mud and sharp rocks and all there bags fell out. They slamed into a door. But Mia smashed through the glass door. Tia opend the door. Mia was half way walking down the hallway. Tia ran to her. "MIA! STOP THIS IS HOUSE 13!!!" Tia shouted. "So?" Mia said Tia rolled her eyes "13 Is the most scaryest haunted bad luck house!!!!" Tia said. "Atleast we have food"
Said Mia. "Geez" Said Tia "WE MIGHT DIE!" Tia screamed. "How?" Mia said "Duh ghosts stave we only have our lunch boxes!!!" Tia said
Annie and Rose walked out of darknes. "And you have ours" Said Annie. Annie had orange hair and green eyes. "Yeah our mum packed our lunch boxes double." "Were gonna have to work together" Said Annie "NO WAY!!! YOU GUYS ARE"  Mia shouted but before all the words came out Tia put her hand on her mouth. "Ummm ok sure" Tia said smiling. "Eww you hand licker!!" Tia said wiping her hand on her dress "Like i was saying YOU GUYS" Mia said but cut off again. "Shoosh!" Tia said. "Lets go" Said Mia. A paintings eyes followed her as she walked.
Mia found some rats. She screamed


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Tess96
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« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2010, 08:53:30 PM »

Tia and Mia were at karate then sensai said " TIA! STOP TALKING!" Tia: "I did not talk!" Mia: "You just did she laughed"
Sensai: "MIA 60 KI-AYES NOW!" Tia whisperd: Pushy! better go do those ki-ays Then Mia walked of. after 1 hour of training the sensai was grading belts and a little down grading
Sensai: Mia and Tia YOU DOWN GRADE! Mia and Tia at the same time: FOR WHAT!? they yelled
Sensai: For talking in class!!! Mia: HOW STUPID! Tia: Dudde calm down
Then they went home as Tia and mia were sisters Mia was 14 and Tia was 16 Tia had long brown hair and mia has pink hair as she dyded it the other day. Mum: You have school in the morning "Yeah" Dad added Mia: "But Annie and rose are show offs and always pick on us!!!"
Mum and Dad stopped Dad: What?! Mum: Doesent matter i just packed a really good lunch she added.
"whats in it?" Mia said.
"Hmmmm some carrots and raw meat" Straight after she said that Tia ran to the bathroom and vomited.
"Mum we can't eat raw meat." Tia said but Dad shouted "TIME FOR BED TIME FOR BED!!!!" The girls headed to there room.
It turned midnight mum went to bed and dad was out like a lamp. The only people who where awake your right...The girls
Tia opend her laptop and went on the school website. She hacked the school website. "Annie lets get you into detention for 2 weeks." She said.
Then Mia came in. "What are you doing up."
"Eatin chilli" Tia said sarcastily "What are you doing up lil sis?" She added.
"I don't know." Mia looked at the vase Her cousin Andy got her he said it is haunted by the ghost of Tomsly james.
Mia always thinked it was a myth intill now......The vase shaked and shooked then floated over and over again Mia ran down stairs and shaked mum
"MUM MUM WHAT ANDY SAID IS TRUE!" But she just rolled over. Tia ran to the vase and smashed it. "Oh my goodnes" Tia said
She changed the settings on the school website and closed her laptop put it on her desk and went to sleep.
Mia woke up to the sweet noises of the birds tweeting. Tia woke up to the wonderful smell of her Dads chips. She glared at the clock
"WERE LATE!!!!" She shouted she did all the routeen and went to school. It was the parent teacher meeting.
Mrs. Jones is her teacher she very kind and caring but when shes mad shes mad!!!
"Hello Jon" She said cheerfuly patting him on the back. They have been friends ever since.
"Tia you can go and play with your best friend annie and rose" Said Mrs.Jones
"This teacher knows nothing there my least best friends!!!!!" She whisperd
"Oh and a exershion is tonight"
Said Mrs.Jones
"Oh and Mia's coming aswell."
Tia and Mia hoppend in the bus. When they were half way they fell out. They rolled in mud and sharp rocks and all there bags fell out. They slamed into a door. But Mia smashed through the glass door. Tia opend the door. Mia was half way walking down the hallway. Tia ran to her. "MIA! STOP THIS IS HOUSE 13!!!" Tia shouted. "So?" Mia said Tia rolled her eyes "13 Is the most scaryest haunted bad luck house!!!!" Tia said. "Atleast we have food"
Said Mia. "Geez" Said Tia "WE MIGHT DIE!" Tia screamed. "How?" Mia said "Duh ghosts stave we only have our lunch boxes!!!" Tia said
Annie and Rose walked out of darknes. "And you have ours" Said Annie. Annie had orange hair and green eyes. "Yeah our mum packed our lunch boxes double." "Were gonna have to work together" Said Annie "NO WAY!!! YOU GUYS ARE"  Mia shouted but before all the words came out Tia put her hand on her mouth. "Ummm ok sure" Tia said smiling. "Eww you hand licker!!" Tia said wiping her hand on her dress "Like i was saying YOU GUYS" Mia said but cut off again. "Shoosh!" Tia said. "Lets go" Said Mia. A paintings eyes followed her as she walked.
Mia found some rats. She screamed


Okay, okay.
That's pretty good for someone your age.  Cheesy
One thing we need to work on though is punctuation. Wink
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True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. ~ David Tyson Gentry
deanne
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i've left the forum, its my time to move on. xx


« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2010, 07:00:55 AM »

Tess-people post their stories in this BOARD not a TOPIC.

If they make a thread in the STORY BOARD people are going to post their stories.
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I really need you guys to understand: its nothing personal, it’s a new chapter in my life. I won't forget about you guys, I'm just going to turn the page. Maybe use a new colour pen to write with; and I'll be merrily on my way.
goodbye.
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Simone.


« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2010, 07:11:21 AM »

Hi Tess.
There is a topic like this already and i have recieved a complaint about it, so can you please just change it a bit? Thanks Tess.
Simone
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Stay beautiful ♥
deanne
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i've left the forum, its my time to move on. xx


« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2010, 07:12:42 AM »

[The topic is Writers Circle. (:]
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I really need you guys to understand: its nothing personal, it’s a new chapter in my life. I won't forget about you guys, I'm just going to turn the page. Maybe use a new colour pen to write with; and I'll be merrily on my way.
goodbye.
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