editings & thoughts in red.
Waking up to the sound of my mobile phone going off.
doesn't make sense. try, "I woke up to the sound of my mobile phone alarm ringing." The tone was Replay from Sean Kingston.
Isn't it Replay by Iyaz?"Great." I moaned.
Picking up the vibrating phone, it was text message from my bestfriend.
doesn't make sense either/ Try "I picked up my vibratating phone, and saw I had one message. I clicked into it, it was from my bestfriend.It read :
Yo Izzy,
How are you?
Wait! I know! Happy!
Y you ask? 2 find out, come to the park @ 2.00pm today.
Miss ya!
--- Hills. MWAH!! xx
"Great." I repeated.
I got up, hoping to use one of the two very big bathrooms in my very big house. But no, my brothers, Kingston
Kingston is an odd name. 
and Tike, took it before me. A bathroom to wash up in is all I wanted on a Saturday.
hmmm. you seem to jump from one thing to anothere here. maybe expand a bit on why she had to have a place to wash on a saturday. So I walked down the stairs, into the kitchen.
"Hi Angel." dad greeted me.
"Dad, I hate the name Angel. I told you that when I was two. And I also told you to call me Isabelle the same day
too." I reminded him.
"Sorry Iz. Hey, ah that girl called... ah, whats
aername... Hillsany?"
"Hillsery.
do you mean Hillary? Her perents, at lease, gave her a name that exsis. And call her Hills." I murmered.
"Hello Izzy. How are you this morning?"
who said that? if it was the mum try re-arranging the sentences. e.g. "My mother walked into the kitchen etc" THEN what she said. My mother came into the kitchen, wearing a neat top and skirt that matched. She always wears that. I rolled my eyes.
"Great.
Oh and by the way, I'm going to the park at two o'clock to meet Hills." I said staning up.
I walked to the upstairs bathroom, banged on it twice and said, "Are you done looking at yourself Tike?"
Tike yelled a very unpleasent 'go away' and fell quiet. So I went downstairs and knocked on the other bathroom door.
"Okay, Okay." Kingston came out and left the bathroom.
I went in and shut the door. Looking at myself in the mirror, I was a mess. I brushed through my curly, black hair and washed my pale face. Living so close to the park gave me nothing to do. So I just sat in the bathroom, wondering what to do. Then I heard a bang from the bathroom upstairs. I pushed the bathroom door open and ran to Tike.
"Tike! What happened to Kingston?" I said, panting like a dog.
"His girlfriend died. Last night. He's been in the bathroom since he went to the drug store..." Tike trailed off.
I felt bad. Really bad. 'Are you done looking at yourself Tike?
don't you mean kingston? 
' I had said. Man, can't I ever catch a break?
can't she what now?!--
Weeeeeeeelllllllllll...................
Lets jsut say I found it boring. The only thing that was even mildy interesting was that Kingstons Girlfriend died. Oh yes- on that note, when Izzy finds out that she dies, shouldn't she feel upset for Kingston? Sorry? Cuz all she thinikks is "I feel bad. really bad." i think I'd say a bit more than that, if someone I knew had died. Just saying.
I was confused at the end...see my comments in red...
